You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
