i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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