Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
