She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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