Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I feel like a drive thru vagina
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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