i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
What drink are we having for lunch?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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