How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
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Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone says I win the strip club
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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