he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
