why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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