I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
