O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
babies were throwing up all over the place
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
