You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
