these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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