I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize