piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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