I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
