Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
