I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
