I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
