Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
