Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
