i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
