My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
