now i know why i became what i already was.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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