Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
