You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
