just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
