I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
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