I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
