Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
