If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
