do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
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Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
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HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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