I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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