I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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