Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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