I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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