Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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