Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
