Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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