What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
