you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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