I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
