bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
