i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
