I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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