you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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