I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
