Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
