you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
