if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
