that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
