you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize