i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
