Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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