I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
My first STD was from a foam party
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Randomize
