Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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