I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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