hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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