Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
