Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
So vagazzling was a success
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
