I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
