I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
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I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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