No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
