You just made me feel so damn special
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
