You made me cry and you don't even care
She just used a chaser for red wine.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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