You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
