i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
