I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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