she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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