listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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