I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
