At least make sure they are 18
Why
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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