dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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