You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
