I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
