The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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