I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize