I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
